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Portrait of the Scientist as a Young Woman

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Book Club – The Autobiography of a Transgender Scientist

sweetscience April 29, 2019 Book Club / bosses / change / diversity / early career scientist / female scientist / LGBT / memoir / mentoring / research / role models / sexism / support / women in science / work-life balance

Ben Barres was a remarkable scientist – a modern-day giant who will undoubtedly be remembered in the field of neuroscience as a pioneer in uncovering the critical role of glia. He will also be remembered as a powerful proponent for advancement of women in science, and a leader in recognizing the importance of strong mentorship and imploring scientists to do better for their trainees. While we at A Portrait of the Scientist as a Young Woman explore the daily experiences and some major issues that arise for women as scientists, Ben Barres was one of the few people who has the ability to directly compare the experience of being female and male in science, and has been publicly vocal about what he learned. His now famous anecdote is highlighted here (in an article about his public stance on the role of discrimination in keeping women from advancing in science): “After he began living as a man in 1997, Barres overheard another scientist say, ‘Ben Barres gave a great seminar today, but his work is much better than his sister’s work’” (Adams 2006, Stanford Report).

Perhaps surprisingly though, his autobiography, simply titled The Autobiography of a Transgender Scientist, does not focus on the contrasting experience between his experience as a young female scientist and the changes he experienced after transitioning to the male gender to which he had always felt he belonged. Instead, it is a telling of his life story that is so straightforward it reads almost as a ‘results’ section of a manuscript, with little interpretation or connection to other ideas and experiences. Even so, it is a compelling story that makes an easy read. The emphasis on Barres’s interest in scientific research is strong throughout the book, and he takes it to another level by following his life story with an entire section devoted to his research findings – his lab’s autobiography, if you will. The book also concludes with a section emphasizing his advocacy work.

Barres cover

Why we read it and what we got out of it:

Megan: I admire Ben Barres tremendously, both as a scientist and as a human, and was deeply saddened to hear about his death from pancreatic cancer. I would say that he and Maiken Nedergaard started a revolution in the way neuroscientists regard glia. I’ve also heard wonderful things about him from people who have worked with him– he seemed to have been that very rare scientist who was both well-respected and well-liked. I regret that I never had the opportunity to meet Ben Barres in person, but was glad to be able to read his autobiography to learn more about such a unique and intelligent scientist.

SweetScience: I couldn’t wait to read this book! I had great respect for Ben Barres since I saw him speak to a room full of mostly old white male PIs and take 5 minutes out of his research talk to belabor a point about the importance of mentoring women in science. I’ve enjoyed reading his various commentaries (see links throughout this post) and I wanted to know more about his life in his own words.

peírama: One of Ben Barres’ trainees, now a Harvard professor, taught part of the Cold Spring Harbor course that I attended. She was an impressive woman and spoke glowingly of him. As stated above, this book is a very straightforward telling and feels very much like the prose of a scientist. Regardless, he lived a very interesting life and I enjoyed reading about it and about his science.

 

What struck you about the story?

SweetScience: I was amazed by the remarkable outpouring of support Barres received when he wrote to his friends and colleagues about his decision to transition. It was incredibly heartwarming to read the positive responses. It also shocked me to hear that Barres apparently never experienced any kind of discrimination ever based on being transgender. I have so many questions about this, wondering about the representativeness of his story; I don’t know any other transgender person who reports experiencing no discrimination, and I worry a bit about popularizing a narrative where discrimination is not an issue. On the other hand, this is his story!

Megan: Like me, Ben Barres hails from a hard-working New Jersey family and was the first to go away to college. I didn’t know this before reading the book, and I could really relate to some of the struggles he describes around growing up.  
I also found the narrative around being transgender to be very educational and informative. I think the book did a great job describing what it was like to be a person, a scientist, who deeply and innately felt that their gender did not match who they were.

peírama:  A thing that struck me about the story was how different the field of science was not that long ago, but also how much it is the same. People could say incredibly biased things and not only was it without consequence, it was not even out of the ordinary. Barres was recruited (as a woman) to increase universities’ diversity. He struggled to get an R01 because he was studying something novel. Barres got tenure without having received an R01!

Did you have an ‘aha’ moment?

SweetScience: Even someone who experiences no apparent bias from their transgender identity was driven to consider suicide, apparently due solely to inner turmoil, not even depression. This was mentioned multiple times in Barres’s story, and was by far the most intimate aspect of the book.

Megan: This quote: “A counselor who works with people who have recently transitioned once told me that her most difficult challenge is helping male to female transsexuals understand that their suddenly vastly lowered social status is not because they are now transgender but because they are now women.” Woah.

peírama: This is not so much an ‘aha’ as a confirmation of what I already knew. Mentorship is incredibly important to a career in science. Barres repeats numerous times the ways in which his mentors were supportive personally and professionally. Having mentors that guide and support your scientific career and your scientific thinking is critical for a successful career and it is good that there are high-profile scientists out there championing its importance.

Was there anything you didn’t like about the book?

SweetScience: Another story of a scientist whose passion for the science is everything to them, and would rather be in the lab than spend a single day on vacation?! (See our Lab Girl book club post.)

Also, I have to admit I gave up reading the science section. I mean, I know glia are cool, but I don’t actually want to read about it. However, I love the existence of this science story as a story – hearing from a main player how things came about and progressed with the various other people in the lab and beyond.

Megan: Ben Barres was known to be a very supportive mentor, and has written extensively on the topic (two exemplary articles worth reading and sharing: https://www.cell.com/neuron/fulltext/S0896-6273(13)00907-0 and https://www.nature.com/news/stop-blocking-postdocs-paths-to-success-1.22515). Somehow, in my mind, I ascribed this high level of interpersonal and management skill to someone with a decent work-life balance, but from the book, I realized this was definitely not the case! Science was Ben Barres’ life, his lab was his home, and his colleagues and trainees were his family. He clearly had no regrets about how he spent his life, but I wonder where that leaves the rest of us who have families outside of the laboratory? Do we have any shot at scientific success (or even survival) if we can’t spend those sorts of hours in lab?

peírama: Ditto the above comments about the lab being his whole life. To each their own, but I wish that there was more representation of scientists who are able to balance family and career. The other thing I did not like was that although Ben Barres has very interesting observations about how gender roles play out in our society, he has some interesting blind spots. He starts off by describing how he knew he was meant to be a boy because he liked “boy things” like trains. It is definitely true that at the time that he was a child that was the viewpoint – boys like boy things, girls like girl things. However, there seemed to be no self-awareness in that description, no understanding that girls can like trains and still be girls.

 

Final thoughts

Megan: The quote on the cover says it all: “By far, the main difference that I have noticed is that people who don’t know I am transgender treat me with much more respect: I can even complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man.” This was actually taken from a Nature commentary he authored rather than from the body of the book, but I think it does a great job of summarizing what I found most illuminating about The Autobiography of a Transgender Scientist — the experience of a scientist who experienced being treated as both a woman and a man. The insights that this extremely unique perspective gave Ben Barres are disturbing yet also incredibly valuable to me, and I think, to the entire field.

peírama: This book is an easy read (especially if you skip the scientific details, though I personally enjoyed those) and an interesting look at a blessed scientific career and a transgender experience. I enjoyed this look through the lens of someone with so many experiences different from my own. Science is such a struggle and it is enjoyable to read this account of a life with so many successes, especially since the setbacks sail by so quickly in such a short book. Highly recommend to all scientists.

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Book Club – Lab Girl

sweetscience July 20, 2016 academia / Book Club / female scientist / memoir / role models / strengths and weaknesses / women in science

We recently read Lab Girl, the nationally bestselling memoir by Hope Jahren, PhD. Dr. Jahren is a Professor at the University of Hawai’i Manoa where she runs a Geobiology Laboratory. She also blogs about interactions between women and men in academia at https://hopejahrensurecanwrite.com. The book is mostly about her life and career path, but it also weaves in interesting vignettes about plant life that appear as metaphors related to aspects of her experiences.

Lab Girl image

What was the most relatable part of the story for you?

fishprint: I read this book, in part, to find a relatable female scientist. I probably wouldn’t have admitted this at the time, but I like her writing, I love her Twitter presence, and I really wanted to relate to her. So, I spent the first half of the book hating it. Until finally I recognized I’d brought all these expectations to the book. Then I could let all that go and read it.  Do not read this book if you want a relatable female scientist role model to compare yourself to. Read this book for a well written, complicated personal story. You may relate more to the grad student who quits, “sneering on her way out that she didn’t want a life like mine”, but that’s OK. No one, probably not even that student, was really being asked to have a life like Jahren’s. But the proximity of the book (and worse if you work for her, I imagine) makes you compare and question.

peírama: One thing the book relies on and yet only briefly touches on directly is how Jahren’s relationship with Bill is important to her success in science. There are the straightforward ways, that he works for almost nothing yet works harder than most employees would and that he is a consistent presence in her lab from before she even starts her lab throughout her career (a trait which can make someone invaluable if they are competent, which Bill seems more than). Then there is the personal aspect of it. As Jahren readily admits, doing science is hard. There are setbacks from the natural world and from the world of people. Having someone interested in the same things as you, thinking about the same questions as you, who you get along with, who is there to support you when things get tough, makes things so much easier. I think the way our scientific society is set up to put people out on their own without a built in network and constantly ripping scientists away from people they know is counterproductive. Jahren lucked into a situation that should be more common in science – scientists with common interests working closely together, supporting each other, and working toward the same scientific goals.

Curiouser&Curiouser: Unlike fishprint, I had not heard of Dr. Jahren before reading this book, but I think I initially expected to find a role model in Lab Girl.  I did not.  I found very few specifics in her story relatable, but these 3 themes resonated with me.  

  1. In science you do not act alone.  I felt like the second half of the story was basically a platonic love letter to her best friend/lab manager.  While at times I felt awkward when it seemed to me that she was writing for/to Bill, (even though he said he would never read the book) I appreciated the sentiment that led her to want to say thank you and make sure credit is appropriately shared.   
  2. Being a scientist is hard work. ‘Nuf said
  3. Your personal struggles impact your career both positively and negatively.  It’s not always possible to check your personal baggage at the door.  

SweetScience: Dr. Jahren has clearly worked hard throughout her education and career, but it seemed like many major elements (i.e. certain jobs, her work partner Bill) just fell into place for her. This is not to say that she didn’t earn and work to keep those things, but I can relate to feeling like some things just come to you, even while things you try so hard for remain elusive.

 

Here are a few quotes that resonated with us. (Pages refer to original hard-cover edition)

  • “…my true potential had more to do with my willingness to struggle than with my past and present circumstances.” P. 18
  • “As much as I have loved being a scientist, I am ready to admit that I am tired of all the hard things that should be easy by now.” P. 25 (stated in the context of funding, but widely applicable)
    • C&C: This was one of my favorite quotes from the book.  I feel discouraged at least weekly by how much of a struggle it can, and will continue to be.  
  • “…there are only two kinds of people in the world: the sick and the not sick. If you are not sick, shut up and help.” P. 44
  • “On some deep level, the realization that I could do good science was accompanied by the knowledge that I had formally and terminally missed my chance to become like any of the women that I had ever known.” P 71
  • “…because I am a female scientist, nobody knows what the hell I am, and it has given me the delicious freedom to make it up as I go along.” P 277
    • SS: I can’t directly relate to this because I feel that female scientists are common in my field/generation, but I do think it’s interesting and important to understand that someone has felt this way in very recent history. Further, I can relate to the idea of ‘making it up as I go along’ as it feels like everyone is struggling through the decisions that need to be made early in one’s career in a way that is probably different than previous decades, given the overabundance of PhDs, lower relative number of traditional academic research jobs, and wide array of other science-related careers open to us. There’s no clear path, and no history of scientists having to navigate these conditions.

 

What surprised you about the book?

SS: I was surprised that there was virtually nothing relating to the interactions between women and men in academia that are the focus of Dr. Jahren’s blog, and a talk I saw her give to a Women In Science group. Given that she’s had plenty of experiences relevant for the subject and is clearly passionate about the topic and changing the state of academia’s treatment of women, I wonder why she didn’t draw attention to those issues in this book. Maybe it will be the focus of book number two?

f: She still doesn’t sleep. She still goes to the lab every night.

P: I was also surprised about how she talked about working all night like it was normal and how her family seems like afterthought.

C&C: I didn’t pick up on her struggle with mental health issues early on in the book, and so I found her description of her interactions and environment unnerving and often depressing.  Once she made it clear that there was more going on than a selectively empathetic, extremely driven person I was able to let go of the idea that an “ideal scientist” should follow her model, and I was surprised to find that I enjoyed the second half of the book.  

I also was shocked by Bill’s living conditions until they get to hawaii, what a loyal friend to stick it through!

 

Are there any messages in the book you disagree with for yourself or as a role model for young scientists?

SS: I don’t love the propagation of ‘the absent-minded professor’ stereotype, particularly the scientist who is so passionate and caught up in their work that they are up all night excited about a potential discovery at the expense of their personal lives; it is possible and indeed common for a career in research to be ‘just a job’ and that’s something I feel is a valuable message for young scientists.

f: Many of the pronouncements in this book are things that have worked for Jahren, and are not broadly true (or good) for other people. She is in lab all day and then hits the lab again every night starting around 10:30pm. I doubt she sleeps more than a few hours a night. And that’s OK for her, it makes her happy, and it works for her team (Bill). But seen as a message, it is a damaging one. My first PI bragged about sleeping 3 hours a night. In fact, every boss I’ve ever had has tedious glory days stories about being in the lab all night. They are not all successful, but they all want to cast themselves as passionate, committed night owls. Why? Is that really when they do their best work? That’s when I start breaking things and deleting files. Not sleeping and not caring for your health can look like a thing that interesting and successful people do, but it’s not going to work for everyone. In defense of Jahren, she’s just telling her story. It’s messy, it’s literally manic, and her life would only work for her.

Oh, and that part about trying to weed out the students who value their time. Sigh.

P: She paints a picture of a world where a certain type of man is what the world sees as a scientist, and thus she and her best friend/lab tech who is a man but doesn’t fit that description are science outsiders who have to work twice as hard as everyone else to gain scientific acceptance.

I do not argue with that, as that is clearly true. However, she paints an alternate picture of a stereotypical scientist. The scientist that can’t stop until they’ve answered all the questions. The scientist who works until their knuckles bleed and needs no other sustenance but a good question. I think a lot of people, including myself and my fellow bloggers, love science and consider ourselves scientists but also do not fit that stereotype of a scientist.

One sentence that caught my eye in the very first chapter was “I glanced at the clock and noted that my son had gone to bed several hours ago.” She makes clear that her priority is science over everything else. That is not how I want to live my life. Yes, my husband is perfectly capable of putting my children to bed and does on many occasions, but I like to put my children to bed. My children and my husband bring me joy and I knew a life with a husband and children was something I wanted as surely as I knew I loved science. Hope Jahren has written a memoir, so perhaps it is unfair to criticize what is only her own story. Her way is one way to be a scientist. Perhaps the problem is not that she has told her story without any acknowledgment of other alternative ways to be a scientist but that there are not more stories that make it to the mainstream of those other alternative ways to be a scientist.

C&C: From the description in the book I don’t think Jahren can be considered a viable role model for most young scientists.  She has a unique set of challenges and gifts (she has found the most loyal employee ever and neither of the seem to need to sleep?!) that make her career and life choices reasonable to her, but I can not see them leading to happiness or scientific success for most people.  

 

Who would you recommend this book to?

SS: I would recommend this book to anyone interested in learning about what it means to be an academic scientist, or who likes different memoirs.

f: People who enjoy memoirs and science. I would not pitch it as an “inspirational female scientist”.

P: On the whole, I enjoyed this book as a book. That is to say, I enjoyed reading it when not thinking critically about what message it was sending and whether I agreed with that. I think it tells a compelling story of a woman finding her way in the world. It flows well and drew me in.

I also think this book is good for anyone interested in the natural world. I learned a lot about seeds and trees.

C&C: I think people who feel marginalized and/or struggle with mental health issues may enjoy the book.

 

All in all, most of us enjoyed reading most of the book, and we’d love to hear what you think too – tell us in the comments!


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